Watch_Dogs PC Cover Art

So I got the try Watch_Dogs for the PC today and I must say, its one of the worst ports to PC I have seen in a very long time. It reminds me of the early 2000’s when trying to get a good port of a console game on the PC or vice versa was like trying to find a clean hooker in Las Vegas. You know deep down that in some magical land they must be real, they have to be, but you know better, its going to end up the same way as before. You’re going to be out 50$ and feel like you can’t get the stank off, even with bleach. That’s what Watch_Dogs for the PC is, that stank you can’t get off from a cheap hooker.

Now I know what some people are going to say, oh the games not bad its just uPlay is crap. I agree uPlay is crap, in my eyes its the next “Games for Windows” a half assed attempt at digital distribution that harms the games that use it more than it helps them. But I’m not ranting today about uPlay, I can say first hand that Watch_Dogs is jacked when without uPlay fucking up the works. So I will get back to basing this pile of shit attempt at a port. The game was installed via Steam on the machine I used so I got the privilege of getting pissed at uPlay. So I decided that the darker side of the internet might hold my solution. A crack for the game that removes the DRM and uPlay requirements. So I jumped on ye’ old internet answering machine google and found what I needed. I applied the crack as recommended and was happy to not have to slam my head into a wall until uPlay decided it was time to work. The game booted up and loaded find. I won’t go into too much detail as just googling Watch_Dogs for the PC will result in many tails of what I went though.

So to dispel this whole Ubisoft hates only ATI/AMD thing I was running this on a machine that has a i5 and a GTX 750 Ti, and still had crashes, poor frame rates, and all the other fun bugs that made it feel like I was playing a public Alpha of a game and not a major retail release. I move to change this saying to Ubisoft hates ALL PC gamers. It feels like they would rather try and sell only to console gamers that have the attention span of a fly and are willing to buy every version of what ever shitty series they are crapping out that month, than to a PC gamer that expects a polished product with community support and a decent shelf life of more than 3 months.

Again I’m getting distracted from my point I was trying to make. Simply put Watch_Dogs for the PC is not just a failure due to uPlay sucking some large donkey balls but a shit port that should be sent to the New Mexico desert to become a myth like E.T. for the Atari.

Oh and here is a shitty remake of that the cover should be for Watch_Dogs for the PC.

 

PC-Watch-Dogs

 

 

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